Tuesday, 26 November 2019

See Why a 50/50 Relationship is a Bad Relationship

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Everybody Wants a Relationship Where Both Partners Contribute Equally to It. But Did You Know a 50/50 Relationship is Actually Bad?

Everyone wants a relationship where both partners contribute equally to the marriage. And while your spouse pays your share, you will contribute to yours. But did you know that this 50/50 ratio can be really bad? Here's an example of why:

See Why a 50/50 Relationship is a Bad Relationship

Jenny and Jim came to the board because they were talking - a lot. They started seeing me and they spent a lot of time during the session trying to see why they were to blame for their marital problems. Jim said, "You are always so busy with kids, school and housework that you never take time off for me, and if you do occasionally show up with a little love, we won't need any advice." Jenny quickly says, "Me ?! How many times have I told you not to get angry and you're still working! You're the reason we have an unstable marriage. If you just want to control your temper, we won't." no need for advice. "

They circled that way, blaming each other until I finally stopped them. "Did you really come here just to see you arguing?" I say smiling. They both laughed. They both said something that many couples say to each other. If you do your part, I'll do mine. But I won't give my part before I see you doing yours. That makes sense, doesn't it? Being in a relationship with two people, we can expect the other person to do their part to do yours. But this type of thinking 50/50 is really detrimental in marriage.

Marriages should not be 50/50

Put in 100 percent

Instead of each spouse putting in 50 percent, each spouse should be putting in 100 percent. You should not wait around idly for your spouse to begin picking up his end of the relationship before you pick up yours. This will cause an endless stalemate like the one Jim and Jenny were doing. And instead of trying to fix the relationship you'll end up in a finger pointing competition trying to prove to the other one why he's wrong and what he should do to start fixing the marriage first.

View your effort as an investment

When you view marriage as a 100 percent investment, you do your best to make sure you're listening to your spouse, that you're being accommodating to your spouse's needs and that you work on problems when they come up without waiting for your spouse to work on them first. You recognize your contribution to the problem and accept full ownership of it. And you do what you need to do to help your relationship grow.

Move your relationship where you want it to go

Another great advantage to viewing marriage as a 100 percent investment instead of 50/50 is that you feel like you have more control over the direction of your relationship. Instead of feeling helpless when your spouse won't pick up her end of the relationship, you feel confident that you can make a positive situation out of it anyway. You'd like to have your spouse's support but you don't have to have it in order to be happy. Because you're giving it 100 percent you have a lot of power to steer the relationship in a direction that will be happy for you.

When your spouse sees that you're giving 100 percent, she'll be more likely to give 100 percent, too. And a relationship where both partners are giving 100 percent is much happier than a relationship where they're only giving 50 percent.

About Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. Checkout his blog for expert information on how to improve your relationship.

Credit | Source: Familyshare

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