Sunday, 25 August 2019


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Having a healthy relationship is a key factor in maintaining effectiveness at work, home, school etc., as it can reduce stress and enhance emotional stability. Sometimes, our actions tend to hurt people, even when we carry them out with the best intentions. Thus, learning to improve the quality of our relationships is essential to our health and happiness. Here are five proven ways to improve the quality of our relationship; 

Be There For Them 

Ever felt like someone was there with you but wasn’t really there at the same time? Sometimes, it may be funny to imagine why some people still complain of attention even when you’re there with them. The truth is they just feel a lack of connection because you seem to be there with them but not them. I mean, of what is your presence i n the room, if you’re just would spend all that time on your phone/computer. 

Be there for your partner in a relationship is especially important for those whose primary love language is ‘quality time’. So, don’t just spend time with your loved ones, ask them questions, listen to them, find out what they’re going through. This would greatly improve the quality of your relationship and enhance the connection between and the significant people in your life. 

Make Use of Open-ended Questions 

We all do, think and process things differently. So, sometimes you find yourself reading unnecessary meanings into certain actions and over analyzing situations. Thus, when approaching a partner/friend with a question, it’s always best to use open-ended questions, as it gives the other person the opportunity to explore their feelings, thoughts, and experiences. 

For example, when you see something placed somewhere that you don’t approve of, don’t go like ”I’ve said it several times that I don’t want this stuff here” or worse still “don’t ever place this stuff here again”, rather you could go like “Is there a reason this stuff has been placed here” or “why is this stuff here”? Open-ended questions elicit discussions and in the long run, reduce arguments and conflict in a relationship. 

Listen More Than You Speak 

This is one of the most effective keys in communication and learning. Remember those moments when someone walks up to you and goes like “So so and so stuff just happened and I feel discouraged”, then you go like “It’s not only you, it has also happened to me. If I tell what happened to me that time ehn...” Hold it right there! Now, by saying your own story, in your mind, you’re honestly trying to connect with the person and create a sense of shared pain but did you notice that you seem to have hijacked their story? This somewhat now makes you the focus of the discussion. 

I guess a lot of us are guilty about this, so let’s look at the flip side of things. Wouldn’t it have been more comforting if you had listened to their story first? I mean isn’t that why they came to you, to tell their story and not necessarily to hear yours. This may seem insignificant but the truth is you may not know what part of their story you’ll miss out, if you don’t hear them out first. Listening to them adequately could also guide the kind of response you’ll give. 

Tell Them How Much You Care About Them 

Words are very powerful. Even the bible says “life and death are in the power of the tongue”. You can never tell how much that call or text may mean to your partner, family member, friend etc. Sometimes, when you miss someone, don’t hold back from telling them. What’s the worst that could happen if you do? Even a person doesn’t reply or probably doesn’t give the kinda response you expected; let it not discourage you from reaching out to others. Your words may have a far more reaching effect than you can imagine. Who knows, it may just be the fire that will keep the flame of love burning in that relationship. 

Practice Self-Soothing 

The great philosopher, Socrates, said “Man know thyself”. Those words remind me of the fact that one of the best ways to deal effectively with people in a relationship, is to know’ you’ first. Knowing yourself helps you to be aware of your emotional triggers and the possibility of its activation. You know I always find it funny when people tell me’ I’m a difficult person’. 

One question I always ask them is ‘who is a simple person?’ Someone who plays a lot? Someone who doesn’t take life seriously? Or is it someone who doesn’t value long-term relationships? Come on, let’s be serious here. There really is no simple person. Everyone, without exception, has his/her own baggage, and the earlier we know ourselves, the better we are able to handle our baggage, so that it doesn’t negatively affect our relationship with our loved ones, especially your significant other. 

Communication in any relationship requires constant attention, and it is one of the most effective ways to keep a relationship alive. Misunderstanding and miscommunication may arise but improving the quality of relationships is a key factor in having the most important people in our lives around us. 

Guest Post
Author: Godcan Da-Clarke
A freelance

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